Lost Love II
by Clover64
Summary: Sequel to Lost Love. The Exile is being hunted down by an unknown enemy? Will all the secrets and dangers that surround her finally become too much for her to handle? Mical&Exile pairing
1. Chapter 1: The Past's Uncertain Future

**A/N: After all this time...I finally present to you...the sequel to Lost Love! I really hope you enjoy it! Not everything will be revealed in the first chapter but will be eventually. Ok, thanks again and please review! I really take pride in all my lovely and awesome reviewers! Thanks again! And if you haven't read "Lost Love" yet, I highly suggest reading that first.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot...and maybe Mical...**

**Chapter 1: The Past's Uncertain Future**

"Mical?" She said, her voice barely a measurable whisper.

"Amira." He said, his voice betraying his buried emotions. "Force, I'm glad you're safe."

Mical helped Amira up and she took a step backwards cautiously. She stared at the man in front of her with unbelief. His voice was soothing and calm, just like Amira had remembered it. Everything said that this man was Mical, but reality and probability said that it couldn't possibly be the man that she loved. The man she had loved was gone, dead. As much as Amira wanted to believe it, she knew that it just wasn't possible. There was no probable reason that would explain how Mical could be alive...when she had watched him die.

"How can it be...is it really you, Mical?" She stammered quietly.

He looked intently into her eyes. "It's me."

Amira was overcome with happiness and rushed into the arms of her husband. His presence was once again soothing and comforting just as it always had been. Amira smiled as she leaned closer to him. But she could sense confusion and worry within him. She decided to ignore this at the moment because right now was supposed to be a happy moment. She had gotten her second chance. Mical, her husband and true love...was alive.

He smiled and kissed her softly on the lips. He wrapped her up within the confines of his arms and she ran her fingers through his silky blonde hair. Looking into his eyes, Amira noticed something that was too familiar to her. Pain. Something had happened to Mical while he had been away from her. All during her exile, she had that same look in her eyes. She squeezed closer to Mical, absorbing the pain and worry from him.

Then a thought hit Amira and as suddenly as she had rushed into his welcoming arms, she stumbled backwards and slapped him harshly across the face. He looked at her with a confused expression and tears began to spill down Amira's bruised cheeks. Mical was alive, but that also meant that she had done all those things...for no reason. She had suffered through all that pain because of him.

"How could you?" She said softly at first before anger began to slide into her voice. "How could you make me go through all that pain!"

"Amira, I can explain." He said calmly.

"Explain what? How you left me alone, and made me think you were _dead_, Mical? Can you explain why I went through all that pain...and mourning, and grief because I thought _you_ were _dead_? Can you explain that to me, Mical?" She yelled at him angrily.

So many different emotions ran through Amira. Part of her was extremely happy and thankful that Mical was alive, and the other part was furious at him for making her believe that lie in the first place. She looked at him with a pained expression. He seemed not to know how to answer at first, and he stood there silently...letting Amira vent her anger. Amira shook her head, trying to disperse the anger, but to no avail.

"I thought you were dead, Mical. I thought that the only man that I ever loved, ever will love, was dead." She brought both her hands up to her mouth to stifle a cry. Mical rushed over to her and placed his arms around her in a reassuring gesture, but it only helped fuel Amira's anger. "Did you even think about how I would feel?"

"Amira, please...I can explain everything. Give me a chance to explain myself and I assure you that everything will become clear." He pleaded softly.

"I just...was everything a lie, Mical? Your death...did you ever truly love me?" She said, paranoia setting in. After having lost him for so long, a large part of her feared that she would lose him again.

"I do love you, Amira! I love you more than anything in the galaxy. Everything I did, I did for you. To protect you. You have to believe me." Mical said, the wind whipping his hair around his face.

"Protect me from what? There was no danger. Who was there to _protect_ me when you died? Who was there to protect my heart from being broken?" She collapsed to the ground in pure exhaustion. Mical helped her stand and she leaned against him, gaining strength from him. "I just...I don't know what to believe anymore, Mical."

Mical lowered his voice. "You can always believe in me. I will never fail you..." he paused. "And I won't ever leave you alone again."

"I love you." She whispered to him.

"I love you too." He answered back. "I need to explain to you all of the events that have happened so far though. It is of the utmost importance that you know why I did what I did, and what has happened beyond the confines of the Enclave."

Amira nodded silently. "Alright. Just hold me."

Mical smiled and pulled Amira closer to him. "When I was in the Republic Army, they had just come up with a new device. The Admirals, at the time, decided that they needed to test out this device on some of the strongest men and women that were in the military. They couldn't force anyone to be in the experiment...and that provided a problem because many did not want to risk their lives testing it out. One day, my commanding officer came to me and asked if I would help with the experiment. I was a lot younger, and bolder, at the time. I agreed...it was for the good of the Republic, and I had nothing else worth fighting for other than the Republic."

"What did this device do, Mical?" She asked curiously, while snuggling closer to Mical.

"It was a cloning machine, capable of cloning a sentient and having them retain all their memories." He said finally.

"What? But that's...it's impossible. It can't be done. Many people have tried it and it has failed." She said shaking her head.

"That is only what they wanted the public to think. Only top-ranking officials and some on the Jedi Council knew about this machine. It was better that way, if everyone had known, it could have become disastrous." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "I participated in the tests and they took a sample of my DNA. The difference between clones and a sentient is that clones grow at an alarming rate and can learn a lot more and a lot faster than the rest of us. It really is amazing."

"I still don't understand how this relates, Mical." She said.

"I know. It will in a moment. In any case, the tests were successful and they produced a clone...of me. That clone over the years that I've been with you, was growing and learning and I would send it information and anything that I knew. My memories, in a sense. It grew up thinking that it was me. The engineers, if you will, put the clone through scenarios that I had gone through myself. Since I was one of the first to help produce a clone, I could use it whenever it was necessary."

"You mean-"

"Yes, the man who died...was my clone." He finished.

"You mean all that time it was your clone, not you?" She asked, dumbstruck and confused.

Mical shook his head. "No, it was only my clone when he stole aboard the _Ebon Hawk_ and apparently followed you to some place." He explained.

"I'm still slightly confused, Mical. Why did you have the clone brought here in the first place?" Amira asked, while she played with a lose strand of Mical's hair. Sometimes, she just couldn't help herself.

"I'm getting to that. Do you know of the planet Adumar?"

"Wasn't that the planet with a Sith occupation still? Last I heard, the Sith controlled the planet and all the people living there were subject to the Sith's commands." Mical began nodding his head.

"Yes, and Bastila, Jolee, and Juhani knew of this. They also knew that something big was festering on the planet. Something that was going to be a threat eventually to the whole galaxy. Apparently, they sensed it through the Force...and through their connection to Revan." He said, avoiding Amira's gaze. What he knew was something that would definitely upset his wife...he hated having to tell her, but he knew she'd find out eventually.

"Revan? But Revan's dead." She said quietly. "They found her body on Nar Shaddaa."

"Then it is as we feared." Mical said, mostly to himself.

"I don't like that look, Mical. What is it?" Amira said, slightly fearful of the answer herself.

"Revan has...well, she has fallen to the darkside. We aren't sure exactly how it happened, but she is assisting the Sith on Adumar." He hesitated. "There is more to the story, but I will have to explain it to you later. Right now, I believe we need to get off this planet...immediately."

Mical lifted her into his arms and she winced slightly from the pain from her wounds. All this talk and knowing that Mical was alive had made her forget about Atton and the battle that had taken place not too long ago. Mical carefully put her down and concern marked his face. She smiled, although the pain was increasing. She hoped that she hadn't suffered any injuries that would hurt their child.

"You're hurt. Why didn't you tell me?" He said as he began examining the wound.

"I didn't want you to worry..." She said shyly.

Mical sighed. "Sometimes, I can't help but worry. It looks bad, Amira. We need to get that cut cleaned and closed up or it will get infected."

Terror crossed Amira's face for a brief second before she regained her posture. "Can you heal it?"

"Yes, I believe so...but it needs some kolto. Or, at the very least, a medpack." Mical said as he began healing her through the Force.

The warm sensation that was caused by Force Heal gave Amira small comfort...the best comfort was just being near Mical again. He had changed a little bit. He was no longer so carefree and cheerful, but more serious. Amira worried for her husband. Something had happened to him that she was not aware of...he had seen things that Amira probably wouldn't have wanted to witness.

"Did I tell you I love you?" She said with a smile.

"Hmmm, I don't believe you did." He said with fake innocence.

"Oh, in that case..." She leaned forward and kissed him passionately on the lips. "I love you."

Mical smiled, although Amira could tell that his mind was focused on other things that made him want to frown. "I love you too, Ami. Always have, always will."

Mical finished wrapping up Amira's wound with a piece of cloth that he had torn from his robe. He helped her stand and then grabbed her hand and began walking, that was when Amira remembered something. She hadn't told Mical that she was pregnant. She needed to tell him but didn't know if this was really the best or most appropriate time to do so. Amira sighed and decided it was now or never.

"Mical, I need to tell you something." She began, although she could tell that Mical wasn't really paying full attention. He was more focused on getting back to the ship and getting off this planet.

"Wait, not here...we need to get off this planet first. It's too dangerous here. "He picked her up into his arms.

"It's important, Di." She said, using his nickname in an attempt to sway him. "And I can walk, you know."

"You're hurt...and it's good to be around you again. I believe I enjoy holding you...it's not a problem, is it?" He said with a charming, and flirtatious, smile.

"Oh, it's not a problem. I'd just prefer doing other things at the moment." She winked at him and he blushed slightly. She laughed. "Oh Mical, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Dantooine."

He smiled and the rest of the walk back to their ship was filled with comfortable silence...

**A/N: Review please! You might as well review...it helps me become a better author. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2: Secrets Wearing Thin

**A/N: Here it is! Chapter 2! Sorry it's taking so long to update...you know me. Busy busy BUSY! This chapter is dedicated to Adriel Kenobi who was kind enough to slap me around and wake me up to write this! haha...thanks, Adriel!**

**Disclaimer: We all know I own nothing. Why say it?**

**Chapter 2: Secrets Wearing Thin**

Mical sat in a chair adjacent to where Amira was sleeping. It was such a relief to be off that dreadful planet but Mical knew it wouldn't be the last time that he would see Csilla. There was a great darkness there...he wasn't totally sure on what was causing it...but he was certain that he would eventually find out. He moved in his chair uneasily. So many worries plagued his restless mind. Everything had become so complicated. The Jedi always made things more complicated and Mical sometimes wondered if the Jedi were just as bad as the Sith.

After all, it was fallen Jedi who had caused the Jedi Civil War. It was Jedi that brought Darth Nhilius to Katarr, wiping out millions on its surface. It was the Jedi who failed to teach students responsibly. It was Jedi students who failed to grasp the Jedi Code and end up disobeying it. But mainly, it was Jedi like him that always caused the worst damage to the galaxy. Mical had disobeyed the Order by marrying Amira. Sometimes he had doubts about what he did...

If he hadn't married Amira, she wouldn't have been put in such a dangerous situation in the first place. Because of him, Amira could lose herself within her emotions, which was very dangerous and fatal for a Jedi. It was the path to the darkside. Mical furrowed his brow in concentration. So many things, bad things, had happened due to his carelessness. He was a Jedi and he should have known better.

The truth of the matter was that Mical had known the consequences...and also had ignored them completely. That was why love was so dangerous...it made you do things without thinking, without contemplating the affects it would have. Amira tossed uneasily in her sleep, and Mical frowned. How long could he protect her? He could protect her from physical harm...but he couldn't protect her from her heart. Mical wasn't even sure if he could protect himself from his own heart either.

Everything had gone so terribly wrong. Nothing was as simple anymore; everything was complicated. All these secrets that were being kept weighed heavily on Mical's heart and mind. He had always been so open and honest. Now he was keeping secrets...and from his own wife. It just wasn't right...it wasn't right at all. Meditation wasn't working anymore...and he could no longer sleep without seeing some of those terrible and horrid images.

Adumar had shown him things that he had never wanted to witness. It had also shown him things about himself...he was no longer so innocent and pure. That had been taken from him...he wasn't even the person he once was. The Jedi had taken that from him, twisting him into one of their own. Nothing belonged to him...especially his heart. His heart belonged to Amira. There wasn't a thing he could do about that either.

He loved her. He would always love her. But would their love destroy them? The question had been floating in his mind ever since he had married her. Mical knew they should talk about all these doubts and fears...but he just couldn't discuss it. He didn't want to worry Amira any more...she was under enormous stress. Which brought him to his next worry...the Jedi Council.

He knew that he had to report back to them. But Amira would probably be in trouble for leaving the Jedi when she was forbidden too. Bastila had briefly talked to him about everything...and he was immensely grateful to her for that. She had told him where to find Amira; how she had known where she was was still a mystery to him. Amira turned and let out a small gasp.

Mical walked over to her and placed his hand gently on her forehead and looked lovingly at her. She was so beautiful, even when she slept. But she was always so stressed and upset...Mical worried about her constantly. He couldn't help himself. He brushed away a strand of hair that had worked its way loose from her hair bun. She began crying and Mical didn't know what to do so he simply gathered her into his arms.

She continued to whimper every now and then in her sleep as Mical held her. He wanted so much to take away her pain...to make the galaxy a safe place for her to live in. But in the end, it only made matters worse. He should have never taken that assignment. He had left as Mical and come back...changed. He didn't like it...he hungered for the old days where problems didn't seem so impossible to conquer, where goals didn't seem so difficult to achieve.

"Mical." She whispered. He didn't know if she was talking in her sleep or calling for him so he answered her anyway.

"I'm here."

"No...you're dead. I _killed_ you." She said sadly.

Mical shook his head sympathetically. She felt so guilty, even in her dreams. That made Mical feel even worse. He had placed this guilt on her. Most of her pain and suffering...was because of him. He kissed her softly on the top of her head. It was then he decided that he would not tell her. He could not tell her...it would just make everything worse. So he kept the secret to himself.

"I'm sorry, Ami." Mical said quietly. "I am so sorry."

Amira's eyes snapped open and she struggled for a moment, not recognizing who was holding her. "Oh Force, Mical."

He held her tighter, although gently, as to not put any pressure on her wounds. "It's alright. You're safe."

"So are you. Thank the Force. I thought it might have been a dream. I'm so glad you're alive, Mical." Amira said, while snuggling closer to him. She could feel the rise of his chest as he breathed and it was a welcome movement.

"I'm sorry, Amira." He said and she could see the distant and painful expression on his face.

"What's bothering you?" She asked softly while reaching up and touching his face gently.

"Nothing..." He replied, putting a fake smile up. He noticed the ring he had given her when he had proposed to her. "I remember when I gave this to you."

Amira nuzzled his neck lovingly. "How long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?"

"It's just...I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. It's the last thing I wanted to do to you. By going on that mission...I thought it would benefit you." He paused. "I had no idea that it would do so much damage. I wanted to help...but all I seem to do is mess things up."

"Mical, what were you doing on Adumar? You never told me." She said grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around both of them. She felt so safe in his arms...and she had missed him so much.

"I was sent as a diplomat representing the Republic. But before negotiations could start the Sith found out I was on the planet. I had to continue to meet with the leaders of the planet in secret. I couldn't contact anyone outside of Adumar due to the Sith tracking me. It was comm. blackout. Bastila and Mandalore were the only ones that knew about this. We had to keep it a secret..." Mical explained, but could sense the anger from Amira.

"Bastila...Bastila _knew_? And she...she just let me believe a lie that almost destroyed me!" Amira asked angrily.

Mical sighed quietly. "It was for your safety that you didn't know. You would have come after me."

"No, I would have-" Mical gave her a knowing look. "You should have told me."

"I...I couldn't." He said, struggling for the right words. "You were a...a liability."

"A liability? So that's what I am? Just a _liability_! I'm your wife!" Amira shouted angrily and stood up defensively.

Mical stood up with her and took her hands into his own. "Amira..."

"No...don't even say anything. I just...I don't want to hear it." She said, tears in her eyes.

Mical could almost see the barrier go up between them. Things had changed between them. She didn't trust him...he could see it in her eyes. It was like a shot to his heart. "I...I'll be in the cockpit if...if you need me."

Amira watched with a heavy heart as he walked away. Why did she continue to do this? She just got her second chance to be with the man she loved...and here she was pushing him away. She was a fool. She slammed her fist against the wall...and began weeping. Her emotions were so out of control at this point that she was becoming emotionally unstable. She needed her head clear of worries, and stress, for when she talked with the Council.

But most of all...she needed Mical. She needed her husband. She needed love. She sunk to her knees and cried some more. She didn't know what to do anymore. Nothing was clear; everything seemed to be in the fog of secrecy. There were secrets every which way she turned, and it was starting to really affect her attitude.

"Mical..." She whispered softly through tears and clenched teeth. "I need you so much."

**A/N: I have thought of another major plot twist...but I'm not sure if I want to do it or not...anyway, please review! Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3: Healing Open Wounds

**A/N: I am soooo sorry that it's taken this long to get an update up, I had a major case of writer's block. I plan on updating this story(along with a few others) more frequently to make up for lost time. To those who are still reading and reviewing, I thank you profusely for your loyalty to this story! It means the world to me! This chapter is dedicated to my friend Adriel Kenobi who motivated me to get past that blasted writer's block. Now...onto the story!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except Mical...oh c'mon, can't I have at least him?**

**Chapter 3: Healing Open Wounds**

Amira sat in silence...she couldn't do anything but sit there. There seemed to be an invisible force holding her to that spot. Fear. Fear and doubt...and every other emotion kept her chained to that wall. Her heart beat slowly...and quietly. She could barely feel it beating against her chest at all. Her cheeks were stained with remnants of tears. Tears that she had allowed to flow freely. She was pathetic, and she knew it.

Her hair had become a tangled mess, but she didn't care. She had stopped caring a long time ago. So many thoughts ran through her mind that it had become hard to hear herself think. The silence had become deafening...the only sound was the steady pace of her breathing. Her eyes were raw from crying so much...crying for the past, the present, and the uncertain future.

When had her life suddenly become so difficult and dramatic? Was it destiny that she would suffer for her crimes in the past? Would she once again be destroyed for those same crimes that had sprouted from good intentions? Or perhaps, she would be forced to live her life with the burden of knowing that she'd never truly be freed by her crimes. She'd forever be trapped within her own mind, suffering from all the events of the past.

She sighed and put her head into her hands. What was she going to do? She couldn't go back to the Jedi, not after she had disobeyed them and left. She would be punished, and she was sick to death of being punished at the hands of the Jedi. They didn't understand her...they'd _never_ understand her. Part of her wanted so much to just leave the Jedi in her past, along with the Sith and every other Force-related group.

The hum of the hyperdrive served to soothe her nerves. It was a familiar sound that reminded her of the simpler days. Yet it also served to remind her that everything had gone so terribly wrong. Her hand went to her lightsaber and she recognized the cool and familiar feel of it. The weight that always gave her a feeling of safety. But now...the weight had become a burden. It was a symbol of her dedication to the Jedi...her _soiled_ dedication.

It made her sick. She had so many troubles pressing upon her heart that it was starting to eat away at her very soul. It was as if she was suffocating, and being buried alive. She was sinking into oblivion...and Mical was the only thing keeping her somewhat sane. He was her anchor...yet she was pushing him away. _What the hell is my problem?_ Her mind screamed angrily at herself.

Finally, Amira got her wits together and decided that she'd pay a little visit to her blonde husband in the cockpit. She wasn't going to let the bitterness and resentment stew and build. She wanted to spend as much time as she could with him before they reached Dantooine...or wherever they were headed to. Mical hadn't really told her exactly where they were going. But it didn't matter much to her.

Because she trusted him.

"Mical?" She whispered as she leaned in the doorway of the cockpit.

"Yes?" Mical said in a formal tone, without turning around.

Amira was silent as she came and sat down in the co-pilot's seat. She noted to herself how strange it was seeing Mical sitting in the pilot's seat instead of Atton. She instantly felt a deep ache in her heart. Atton Rand...was dead. It hurt and she didn't know why...but it was driving her crazy. He had caused her so much pain and suffering, yet so had Mical...and she hadn't tried to kill him.

Amira continued to ponder about the man's fate, while staring absent-mindedly at Mical's seat, until Mical spoke up. "Amira..."

"You're sitting in his spot, Mical." Amira croaked. _What's the matter with me? I hated him...I hated Atton. He caused me so much heartache and grief. He doesn't deserve pity._ "You're sitting in Atton's seat."

Mical stopped what he was doing, growing deathly quiet. "I'm sorry, Amira. I didn't mean to...I didn't want to..."

"I know." Amira said quietly. The ship was quieter than usual, in reverence to the fallen Jedi. "But I miss him, Mical, and I don't know why. I think that's why it hurts so much. Because I never appreciated him enough...until it was too late. I caused his death, Mical."

Mical shook his head vehemently. "It was not your fault. Don't ever think that it was."

Amira was taken aback slightly by the ferocity of Mical's words. Hidden within them, there was something else...elusive, but present. Something happened to him out on the rim, she knew it, but she also believed that he would not tell her. Not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't. Amira knew how painful past actions and events could be...and how they affected a mind.

"Mical..." Amira began getting up and sitting on his lap, snuggling close to him.

"I'm fine." He finished before she could ask the question. "I'm just...tired."

"So am I, to be honest. But that's not surprising, considering." She smiled. She had forgotten about the baby she was currently carrying. _Mical's _baby. "Mical, I need to-"

"Hold on...I need to set the coordinates to Dantooine." Mical said, getting up and walking over to the galaxy map.

Amira sighed. So they were headed back to Dantooine. _That's just great. The Jedi are going to kill me for sure this time..._Amira thought bitterly to herself. The affects of the darkside were still present in her mind. She had tapped into them for a little bit to find Atton...she didn't intend to ever lose control of herself like that again. It was a terrifying experience that she didn't wish to repeat.

"Do we have to go back, Mical?"

Mical leaned against a wall casually. "That is an odd question. What do you mean?"

"I mean...do we have to go back to the Jedi, Mical? We could leave all of this behind us." Amira began enthusiastically. "We could go to Corellia or Alderaan and-"

Mical look shocked and appalled by the very idea of betraying the Jedi. "Amira, we can't do that...I have news vital to the survival of the Order."

"But why, Mical? What have the Jedi done for us other than keep us apart?" Amira climbed out of her seat and stood beside Mical. "Come away with me. Leave everything else behind...while we still can!"

Mical could hear the desperation in her voice, and it worried him. "The Jedi need our help..."

Amira ran her hands through Mical's silky blonde hair, looking deeply into his piercing blue eyes. "But we don't need them. Mical, all I want is your love. I don't need the Jedi...I don't want to be a Jedi anymore! I just want it to be us."

"Amira, we agreed that we'd always be loyal to the Jedi. We knew the risks in falling in love-" Mical began, trying to talk some sense into Amira.

"Mical, you're not listening to me!" Amira said, frustrated. "I don't want to go back to the Jedi!"

"Amira, you're not being sensible about this." Mical said, trying to be the reasonable one.

Amira sighed and slumped into the co-pilot's seat. "Mical...must you be so reasonable all the time?"

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?" Mical asked, leaning beside her.

"Do you realize that we've barely even spent any time together since you came back?" Amira asked in a pathetic voice.

Mical looked away. "I know...I've just been so troubled as of late."

Amira's expression softened. This whole time she'd been so consumed with herself, that she didn't realize how upset Mical was about everything. She placed her hand on his cheek. "It's alright...I just...I missed you so much."

She crawled into her husband's arms. It was comforting being so close to him again. He always gave off a calming and soothing aura of control and serenity. She smiled as Mical kissed her tenderly.

"I'm ready to make up for lost time, however." Mical whispered to her.

Amira smiled, suddenly slightly shy. "Me too." She whispered back to him lovingly.

**A/N: Please review...it's just one button away and it helps me improve as a writer. Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4: Words Left Unspoken

**A/N: Wow, it's been some time since I updated this story and I sort of left it completely hanging. I apologize for that! But I'm back now and hoping that we get this story rolling again! Please read and review! Constructive criticsm is welcome but flames are not. Thanks!  
**

**Chapter 4: Words Left Unspoken  
**

When Amira awoke next to Mical, her heart swelled with the familiar feeling of safety. He was still asleep and his face was devoid of the worrisome lines that had plagued it since their reunion on Csilla. She ran a hand over his face gently as if memorizing the handsome visage that she knew by heart. Even with him lying there beside her, it was difficult to believe that he was with her again.

Having him back with her gave her a renewed sense of being and a purpose. It was as if they had just traveled through the dark night and were emerging into the new day's sun with hope as their guide. There were still trials ahead, but Amira felt more confident that she could handle them with her husband at her side now. Without him, things had seemed impossible, but with him all things could be done.

With the ship on co-pilot, Amira was in no hurry to move from her spot. She was more content being with Mical there than she'd been in a long time. While they were on the ship, they were away from the prying eyes of the Jedi Council and any others that would seek to separate them from the happiness and love that they shared. At the moment, the ship was the only safe haven they had from the Galaxy and its cruelties. Amira was thankful for that little piece of paradise and would enjoy it for as long as possible...even if that only amounted to a couple hours more.

She snuggled closer to him, as if being closer was a cure-all to all of her problems, and placed a kiss on his lips. This woke him, however, and she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He returned her smile, looking at her through tired blue eyes. "That is quite alright. I can think of no better way to be woken up." He noticed her staring at him. "What is it?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Amira..."

"It's just...this all feels like a dream," she explained. "One moment I'm watching you die, and the next moment, you're rescuing me from a fallen friend. It's a lot to take in."

He pulled her closer to him, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I know. And I wish that I could've protected you from all of it."

"You were only trying to do what you thought was best," Amira said, finally understanding. "How could I fault you for that?"

Mical still felt guilty. "Still, if I had known that you had any intention on searching for Revan yourself...well, perhaps I could have planned more thoroughly for that."

"How did you know I was searching for Revan?"

"Bastila briefed me on all that she could while I was in transit to Csilla to save you. She informed me of my "demise" and why she believed that you had gone there initially."

"Oh." Amira felt a little stupid for not assuming that Bastila would've told Mical all of that. "Is that how you found me?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'm not entirely sure how she knew where to find you, but I'm glad she did know. I can't bear to think of what would have happened had I not arrived when I did."

Amira didn't want to think about it either. "What else did Bastila tell you?"

Mical's look was curious. "Only the bare minimum. We did not have the luxury of time as you can imagine." At her guilty look, he continued. "Was there something she _should_ have told me?"

Amira took a shaky breath. It was meant to calm her frantic nerves but it only served to make her feel more trapped. All the things she had thought, said, _done_. Could she really burden her husband with her own mistakes on top of everything else? If he loved her, and she knew he did, than he would not care that she had contemplated going to the Dark Side. However, she felt as though it would lessen her in his sight and she could not tolerate the very thought of that.

"No," she lied. "Nothing."

Whether he sensed it through the Force or could feel her heartbeat accelerate, Mical knew she was lying. He frowned. "Something else happened while I was...away, didn't it?"

He was looking at her with compassion, urging her to tell him but it only served to make her feel even more guilty. How could he possibly understand the agony she had gone through when she'd thought that she'd lost him? How could she possibly explain to him what his missing presence had done to her heart, body, and soul?

The answer was simple: she couldn't.

But she had to try, for his sake.

"When I thought you were dead..." The last word was difficult to say even now. "I didn't know what to do with myself. I began to doubt everything. Myself. The Jedi. The Force. I did and said a lot that I'm not proud of. I'll be lucky if the Jedi accept me back this time."

Mical was quiet for a long moment before he finally replied. "I see. And this is why you do not want to go back?"

"This is why I _can't_ go back, Mical. I came to many realizations and one of those was that maybe I wasn't meant to be a Jedi after all."

This was obviously not the answer Mical was looking for. "Amira, being a Jedi is part of who you are...who you were meant to be. Even if you didn't go back, you wouldn't be able to escape it."

"You don't know that."

He touched the side of her face tenderly. "Yes, I do. And so do you."

She closed her eyes, reveling in his touch. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Mical. Everything is happening so fast..."

"Things will be different, yes, but we will get through it," Mical said. "I promise."

He sealed the promise with a kiss and Amira felt like weeping. He still had no clue how much things were going to change. With the child growing inside of her, Amira knew that she held Mical's fate in the balance along with her own. If the Jedi Council found out that she was pregnant and that he was the father...they would both be exiled, her for a second time. She was not certain that she could live without the Jedi but she knew that Mical couldn't. Being a Jedi was like breathing for him...and she dreaded to think about taking away that life from him.

Her melancholy mood baffled Mical as he tried to figure out what he had said wrong to upset her. "Amira," he whispered into her ear as he held her close. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

This was it. She knew she had to tell him about the baby, _his_ baby. There might not be another chance for some time since they were fast approaching Dantooine and he needed to know. She only wished that this news would be being given in a more joyous setting on a better occasion rather than on the eve of the dark tide that she knew was coming with the news of Revan's fall to the Dark Side.

"Amira?"

His voice brought her back to reality. "Mical, there's something I need to tell you."

Mical looked at her expectantly, unsure whether he should be expecting good or bad news.

She opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come out. Why was this so hard? Yes, a baby would change their lives...but it couldn't be all bad, could it? Their love had created something beautiful so why did she feel so ashamed about it?

Doubt encircled her mind, the sticky tendrils of guilt intermingling with it. So much would change with the introduction of her pregnancy, and she couldn't possibly anticipate it all. The unknown scared her and that was what seemed to be holding her back now. Would Mical be happy at this news? Sad? Angry? She didn't know and that made her hesitate. There hadn't been any secrets between them before but now it seemed as if there were many forming a solid block of lies to separate their love. Why was life so complicated?

Closing her mouth again, she tried to gather her wits together. He knew something was going on; she had to tell him something else if she didn't tell him about the pregnancy. But what could she tell him that wasn't a lie? Her mind worked fast to come up with something to tell him, deciding that now was not the time or place to tell him about the child that they were expecting.

"Carth thinks Revan's dead," she finally said. "How will you explain to him that she's alive and has fallen to the Dark Side?"

"Is that what's been bothering you?" Mical asked, unconvinced that what she'd said was what was really bothering her. "Admiral Onasi's feelings?"

"He is a good friend of mine, Mical," Amira said. "I worry about him. I know what it's like to think that you've lost a loved one."

Mical searched Amira's feelings but she was already masking her inner concerns from him so he was placated by her answer. "It will not be a pleasant conversation, but I believe that he would rather know the truth than continue to be deceive by a lie, don't you?"

"Yes." Amira swallowed hard as Mical's words hit home.

A slight beeping sound was elicited from the communications unit on the wall, signaling their final approach into Dantooine. Their time together was drawing to a close, Amira knew. Soon, they would return to their world of secrecy, where they were unable to express their love to one another in public. Soon, Amira's world would begin to fall apart at the seams and she would be unable to stop it. Mical's return should have brought with it hope for the future but, instead, it brought only more problems that Amira had no answers to.

"Are you feeling alright?" Mical asked. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine. It's just been a long...month."

He nodded in understanding. "I fear that it is only going to get worse with the news that I have for the Council."

As he moved from the bed and began to dress, Amira wondered aloud about what news he had. "What _did_ you find out on Adumar?"

Mical shrugged on his robe, avoiding her gaze. "It's nothing you need concern yourself with at the moment."

Amira didn't like the dismissiveness in his tone. "If you think it's important enough to keep as a secret from me, than I think it is something I should be concerned with."

"You have been through much since I've been away and I see of no reason why I should put you through more by worrying you about things that neither of us have any control over right now. I'm simply looking out for you, Ami."

"I don't like being left out of the loop," she said with a frown.

He smiled and leaned down, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I know. But right now, I think it's best that you remain out of loop, as you put it."

She moved from the bed and began to dress as well, noticing a slight tightness around her midsection that she hadn't noticed before. It was ironic how she now was aware of all the signs pointing to her pregnancy, the same signs that she'd been oblivious to previously.

"Why delay the inevitable? I'm going to find out eventually."

"That is true, but for now, I can protect you from the knowledge I hold and I will do just that."

She noticed the dark look that passed across his features and didn't like it. "What happened on Adumar, Mical?"

He froze in his movements for a second before turning to face her. "It is not something that I can discuss at this time."

The change in Mical's mood was palpable. Amira placed a hand on her husband's arm. "It's eating you up inside. I can see it. Why don't you just tell me?"

There was a sadness in his azure eyes. "Please, Amira, do not ask that of me." He brought her hands to his lips. "I will tell you all when it becomes necessary. Until then, I only ask that you trust me. Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Good," he said. "Now, come, we've almost arrived and I'm certain the Council will be eager to see us. _Both_ of us."

"I don't suppose you're willing to reconsider going back?" At his look, she sighed. "I didn't think so."

"We all make mistakes, Amira. It is part of being human and the Council understands that. I don't understand your reasons for not wanting to return."

"I knew you wouldn't." His brows creased together in thought. Amira's guilt returned to her. "I'm not being completely honest with you, Mical. There is more to why I don't want to go back."

"I'm listening."

_Just tell him_, she thought to herself. _He needs to know. This may be your last chance to tell him for a while._

"Atton," she blurted out. "I could've saved him but I didn't. His blood is on my hands, Mical."

"That is not true," Mical disagreed. "Atton had fallen."

"But no one is beyond redemption. I, out of everyone, should have known that. I _did_ know that. But it just didn't seem to matter. I was so consumed with my own emotions that I--I just lost control. All I could think of was that I needed to kill him, that I'd _love_ to kill him. There was a part of me that believed that his death would bring me the peace that I desired, or that it'd bring you back to me."

Amira's confession envoked a great deal of sympathy in Mical. This woman had suffered far too much because of his actions. If he had never left in the first place, it was possible that she never would have left to find Revan and thus, wouldn't have believed herself the cause of anyone's death. It seemed that no matter what he did to protect her, it only caused her more pain in the end.

"What's done has been done, Ami," Mical said, his voice quiet and gentle. "You cannot blame yourself for what happened with Atton. Sometimes, things are simply beyond our control. There will be a time to mourn for him, but right now we must prevent others from following the same path."

Silently, Amira was kicking herself for keeping the pregnancy a secret, but just as Mical had said about Atton, there was a time and place for everything and right now was not the right time, she felt, to tell him.

"You're right," she said.

Mical noticed that she looked as if she had more to say. "Is there anything else that you would like to speak about before we land?"

"No."

"Very well."

He approached her, encircling her within his arms and staring down into her eyes. "No matter what happens in the days to come, know that I love you with every fiber of my being."

A small, somewhat mischievous smile slid onto her lips. "I love you, too. But if you ever pull another stunt like Adumar again without my knowledge, I'll kill you."

He smiled. "Agreed."


End file.
